I am one of these people who are highly susceptible to the marketing ploy that are flavored condiments. To give you an example: right now in my fridge there are seven different kinds of mustard, each flavored with different spices (there’s horseradish mustard, honey mustard, tarragon mustard, and so on). If you look further you’ll see a bunch of oils (rosemary oil, chili oil, garlic oil) and right next to the oils, there are the vinegars (raspberry vinegar, apple vinegar, pomegranate vinegar…). You get the picture. Put anything flavored and nicely packaged in front of me and I’ll compulsively buy it. But, in the meantime, I have a vague feeling that I am being scammed. The husband just raises his eyebrows when he sees me putting yet another olive oil or vinegar in the shopping cart while explaining frantically why I really, really need to buy them. (Sometimes I sneak them in when he isn’t looking and make an innocent face at the cash register when the cashier rings it up). I think he thinks I’m an addict… a flavored condiment shopaholic. He’s right. So, in order to appease my addiction without feeling like a gullible advertising monkey, I decided to make my own herb-flavored olive oil. And let me tell you, I was shocked, shocked by the outcome. It was as easy as can be.
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Did your mom make preserves? Mine did, kind of… although definitely not often and definitely not very enthusiastically. In general, my home was not a jam/marmalade/preserves home, which is strange, because Poles like to preserve and pickle (insert the obvious joke about pickling one’s liver in vodka). In fact, fruit jams are supposed to be one of Poland’s specialties, its longstanding and celebrated tradition. I like jams and I admire proficient jam makers, so much so, that I have just decided that this year will be a jam-making year. One of my New Year’s resolutions is to learn a new skill; so far my tentative list of skills to pick up included touch-typing and sewing, but let’s be realistic, it will be more fun to look back at 2010 and say: I was jammin’ that year… plus the skill comes with its own soundtrack
. To ease me into my future jammin sessions, I made this apple and kiwi spread, because it looked good, easy and quick. In short, it’s a perfect recipe for a lazy beginner jammer.
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I first encountered black olive tapenade some ten years ago when I studied in Paris. My friend Gośka and I used to frequent this insane Australian bar in Châtelet called Café Oz. It was known for hunky bartenders with cute Australian accents and… well, that was actually all it was known for. This is where we met and befriended Tom who went down in history as the first guy to ever cook for me (well, actually, he cooked for us, which would indicate that he was possibly trying to woo one of us, only I don’t know which one). In any case, it’s been a decade since that dinner and I don’t remember anything of what he made except for those darling little appetizer sandwiches with black olive tapenade and goat cheese. They were seriously good and seriously memorable since they looked and tasted unlike anything I’ve ever eaten up to that point. Black olive tapenade is one of those foods that look completely unappealing (think mud or worse) but taste very satisfying and almost sensual with its richness and saltiness.
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The first time I encountered hummus, I was eighteen years old and had no clue what it was. I knew it had to be something special, because my ex-boyfriend threw himself at it with a savage scream and, frankly, with more excitement and enthusiasm than when throwing himself at me. I could now grace you with a monologue on the superiority of my attributes over those of pulped chickpeas but there is no need to digress. You see, hummus really is special, it’s tasty and healthy and quite addictive, once you get a taste for it. So, all I would like to say to the ex-boyfriend is: I understand… and after a brief consideration, I forgive… however, after some more consideration, I will not forget.
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